Effective parenting strategies involve tools for behavior support, skill building, and independence. The most important element to applying any strategy in parenting is CONNECTION. INTENTIONAL and CONSISTENT effort must be spent nurturing a connection between the parent and the child that is based on three non-negotiables: RELATIONSHIP, TRUST, and SAFETY.
RELATIONSHIP refers to the time that the parental figures invest talking together, sharing interests, planning activities, playing games, joining in the child’s favorite activities, listening to the child, and generally spending quality time together. Relationship is not earned time. It is not based on good behavior. Relationship is unconditional investment of time and attention.
TRUST is also an investment. Trust is the consistency of choices and actions made by the parental figure which demonstrate to the child that they can trust the parent in 4 areas: to tell them the truth, to be available when they are needed, to want the child to grow and learn, and to be committed to them.
In order for a relationship between the parent and child to strengthen and for trust to grow, SAFETY must be the foundation. Safety is the consistency of choices and actions made by the parental figure which demonstrate that the child is safe with the parent in every way: mentally, emotionally, physically, and sexually. Safety involves parents seeking support with their own emotional growth and regulation as well as making safe choices about their child’s wellbeing. Safe choices include choosing safe people to be actively in contact with the child, and that may also include who is activity in contact with the parental figure, including friendships, family connections, and romantic relationships.
These are some resources that might be helpful on the journey to building that CONNECTION with your child.
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If a parent is in an unsafe situation and feel they need help to leave, please reach out!
National Domestic Violence Hotline
800-799-7233
Hours: 24/7. Languages: English, Spanish and 200+ through interpretation service
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